Comedian.Actor.Writer

Posts tagged “Comedian

Nike “Flushes” The Worlds First Public Restroom Friendly Shoe…

I have designed a new shoe that I am trying to get Nike to see. I think in this day and age they can be a hit.

Let me know what you think, and let Nike know.

shoe

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On tour So far… and a dream invention I had…

I have been on the road now for a couple weeks and have done some awesome shows, met some awesome people and eaten some good food.

Here is a quick story about last night in Grande Prairie. I’m trying to sell my album on tour which is not going well. I hate selling my own stuff. After the show I sold zero, and walked around the casino that the show is in. Met a guy in the crowd we started talking and he gave me $20 to gamble for my album. I let it ride and lost it all. 

Twenty minutes later a cowboy named “Chance” came to the table who is a local legend for saving 4 horses that got lose during a rodeo. Anyways he sits down and introduces himself to me, only if I know what would happen in 5 minutes. Five minutes later he drops his wallet and I’m like “hey man you dropped your wallet” he picks it up and is like “No good deep goes unrewarded” and he gives me $25. I let it ride and lost it all. 

That is my story. it’s sad I know. 

But every now and again I have a dream about some sort of invention and this is one I had a couple weeks ago. It is the IPHONE RAZOR pretty much is what it sounds like, you plus it in to your phone and it uses the vibrate on the phone to turn the razor on. Iphone Ravor

Anyways there will be more updates and dreams soon… Hope you enjoy.


TIME IS MONEY!!! (In Comedy)

    Every once in a while someone will ask how much a comedian makes for a show and is shocked at the response, they are amazing at how much someone can make for really little to no time in their mind. I too found this pretty cool until I had the pleasure of taking the bus to a gig last night and when I am not just angry for no reason that I am on the bus, I am thinking. So I got to thinking about the gig I was doing and the age old question “Is it better to drive to a gig, or take the bus”. 

 So I started doing some number crunching and everything I did is from Google Maps and is best case scenario, meaning no traffic, no walking, no looking for parking, no waiting for buses, no bus break downs, no crazy people.

So let’s say I did a show at A University last night and made $250/30mins. At first glance that’s pretty good, $500/hour can’t complain, but there are for sure better gigs that I have been to, but this is the number we are dealing with.

 Now the annoying part (according to google maps)

DRIVING:

From my house: 31 MINS/ 1 way to gig (X2) – 62/mins there and back

62 mins(driving time) + 30 mins (show time) = 92 mins (total time)

250 (show budget) / 92 mins ( total time) = $2.71/min X 60 (1 hour) =

162.68 (per hour)

THIS MEANS MY $250 GIG FOR 30 MINS WAS ACTUALLY:

$81.34.

Gas (this is where is gets tricky number wise):

My Car Miles Per Gallon 17 City – 24 Highway

According to Google maps York is 25.6 km from my house (1 way)

25.6km / 1.6 = 16 miles ( my car is good for 17 Miles city so we are pretty much using 1 Gallon)

3.78/litres in a Gallon

3.78 X 1.35/L (gas) =$5.10 / one way

RETURN $10.20

250-10.20= 239.80 (Thats still $2.60 Per min with 92 mins total time) 

Parking

Free street parking. $0

Image

BUS

Google maps: From my house 1 way is 73 mins (X2) – 146 mins Return home.

146 mins (travel time) + 30 mins (show time) = 176 mins (total time)

250 (show budget) / 176 (total time) = $1.42/min X 60 (1 hour) = 

$85.22 (per hour)

THIS MEANS MY $250 GIG FOR 30 MINS WAS ACTUALLY:

$42.61.

BUS FARE

Bus fare is $3 each way $6 Return.

$250-6= $244 ( that’s $1.38 per minute with 176 mins total travel time)

 

So…….

Driving after gas and everything you are making: $2.60/ min – $156/hr $78/30min  

Bus after bus fare and all you are making: $1.38/ – $82.80/hr $41.40/30 mins

 I am not sure how confusing all of this is, like I said it popped in my head and started thinking of it, but the numbers (if they are right) don’t lie, driving is better with gas and everything by almost double. There are always other factor’s that can go for each side. Bus you can drink, downside you can spend your pay cheque in the bar. Bus you can write a whole new act on the crazy people that are out there. 

 In the end I think it’s best to do what everyone does already and just be friend someone who has a car and offer them $5 for gas, but if you believe that time is money, get a car. 

 


4 Reason’s why you should not read my blog.

Everyone is making lists on line so I figured I will make one also:

1. I don’t know how to blog.

2. I never read over my work.

3. I am not one for lists.

4. This was going to be 10 reasons but I lost interest after 3.


This week in Calgary

I have been in Calgary now for 3 days and I have found out the secret to success, its time travel. I have decided that I am going to spend 1 month in Toronto set up all the work I have to do and than start traveling back in time. Calgary is 2 hours behind so that is an extra 2 hours of work, if I go back another 2 hours that 4 extra hours of work etc. I believe that if I tap into this properly I am on to something huge.

Also In the mall I saw a lady projectile vomit which was gross, a baby was staring at me and walked into a chair, and got into a fight with a waitress cause this was trying to tell me a sandwich nick name is “sammy” . All in all its been a good time, shows have been amazing thanks to Derek Sweet and James Moore both sold out shows. Tonight I am at Jupiter Lounge and Chris Gordons show. Thurs-Sat I am at Laugh Shop –

Next week in Toronto I am pumped to be part of The Most Races show on Earth April 14th Markam Theatre

Make sure you check out for updates to the Twitter Gong Show which is April 17th – cause we will be reviling the New web series “#HASHTAG” also the Twitter Gong Show official website that has all the update’s and you will be able to watch the show there, as well as video’s web series and a lot more…

Stay tuned for more updates and stupid thoughts, before I leave here is a line from a movie that i made up in my head:

OPen on a small town with old mentallty and the “town bully” is a 6 ft male with an attitude problem. Claude moves into the town and the “bully has a issue with this”

Claude is waiting in line and the bully Leonard cuts in front of him

          CLAUDE

hey man I am sorry you just cut in front of me in this line

Leonard

you must not know who I am.

CLAUDE

you must be the town genius

everyone in the place starts “wooing”

END


Mark’s Bully

So first things first, I beat up Mark. This is his bully Titus Galloway, and I’ve got some things to say.

As a professional bully and part time employee at The Gap, I have noticed that babies think that they are cooler than they actually are, like when I started and was getting 4 hrs a week, they put me in the baby gap (sounds gross I know) section and I see these babies rolling in on there stroller with a lean on, and I’m like baby please, do you know what I can do to you, and they are all like “oh I need these bell bottom jeans” and I am like baby what do you need bell bottom jeans for? and they are like none of your beeswax.

Well Mark is coming to so I have to go beat him up again, also he said something about he updated his website and there are new shows and info somewhere.

TITUS


First Blog Of 12.

First of all what is a blog, its the year 12 and I have no idea what I am doing I came across this computer and a comedian named Mark DeBonis left some words on paper, here is what it said:

Dear World,

How have you been? I have been alright, just got passed the holidays and it was good for family and all but bad for comedy- There was no shows for a long time, and the ones I did were nothing to write home about. I understand the irony of this cause I am writing. The Twitter Gong show #3, was a mini success again, but more for the “behind the scenes” stuff a lot of kinks were taken care off, and January will be packed with shows, it started with a week long trip to New York City which was awesome and followed with opening for Tom Green and headlining all at the same time… I have left a list of dates for comedy shows I will be doing and will try to write to you more oftten Mark from the past,

I love you,

Mark “from the future” DeBonis


Twitter Gong show Success!!!

 

Hey everyone, so this is my monthly have assed update- so too start off we did the twitter gong show and it ended up being awesome. pretty much sold out and everyone had a good time between live tweets and the acts on stage- i think it actually worked out too a certain point. The whole show ran off “winging it” cause we also had no idea what was going on but its safe too say there will be another run hopefully alot smoother.

 In other news I went to Montreal for awhile and ended doing a good run of shows which is always a fun time but this time was the first show i was booked on as a feature and it was the “BadFellas” show was was Massimo, Guido Cocomelle and Me. The show ended also being awesome and we are looking to cut a demo and take this show on the road- Its a show with Italians but little to know Italian material, so i am pretty pumped about seeing how this pans out.

Either and that, there is a bunch of shows coming up in September I am looking forward too and co-producing two of them so hopefully see you out there and stay tuned for updates on new shows, clips and other stuff.

 

 

thanks

mark


JFL (Just for Laughs)- New show updates

Last week I was in the Just for Laughs fest, and took part in the Home Grown Competition and placed runner up meaning i got 2 more shows out of it. It was a good experience and i had a really fun time. Dave Merheje won (here is a pic after the show)

we actually were happy just dont take good pics.

It was an amazing line up and was over all an amazing show- I just want to say thanks for everyone who took part and helped out-

I will be in Montreal for another 2 weeks doing the clubs, more updates to come.

also check out the new shows there is updates for my upcoming gigs and here is the link for teh “twitter Gong Show” on send us your talent

Craigslist Ad

 

Just For Laughs 

Thanks

Mark

 


2 posts 1 month!!– New show ” Twitter Gong Show”

Hey guys I know how crazy this is but i am just letting you know that i am starting a new show, its a TWITTER GONG SHOW, its pretty straight forward- The act is on stage and there is a live twitter feed to decide when they get gonged- I will be hosting and there will be 3 Judges Matt O’Brien- Garrett Jamison– Rob Bebenek. There will be more updates soon but for now follow us on twitter at Twitter Gong show  so you can be apart of the gonging– if interested in being on our first show email us at twittergongshow@gmail.com— more info at Twitter Gong show Kind of Official Page. Thanks Mark