9 reasons why Santa Claus would stink if he was real:
1. He’s Fat.
2. He works with reindeers.
3. All of his employees are short so no one can really get a good smell of what’s going on.
4. He lives in the North Pole, and because of the constant cold, he never really sweats so probably does not own deodorant.
5. He has a beard.
6. He goes up and down chimneys all night.
7. He eats nothing but milk and cookies.
8. He wears the same clothes… All the time.
9. He smokes a pipe.
So next year, tell your kids instead of leaving milk and cookies, they should leave tooth paste and deodorant.
Every once in a while someone will ask how much a comedian makes for a show and is shocked at the response, they are amazing at how much someone can make for really little to no time in their mind. I too found this pretty cool until I had the pleasure of taking the bus to a gig last night and when I am not just angry for no reason that I am on the bus, I am thinking. So I got to thinking about the gig I was doing and the age old question “Is it better to drive to a gig, or take the bus”.
So I started doing some number crunching and everything I did is from Google Maps and is best case scenario, meaning no traffic, no walking, no looking for parking, no waiting for buses, no bus break downs, no crazy people.
So let’s say I did a show at A University last night and made $250/30mins. At first glance that’s pretty good, $500/hour can’t complain, but there are for sure better gigs that I have been to, but this is the number we are dealing with.
Now the annoying part (according to google maps)
From my house: 31 MINS/ 1 way to gig (X2) – 62/mins there and back
62 mins(driving time) + 30 mins (show time) = 92 mins (total time)
250 (show budget) / 92 mins ( total time) = $2.71/min X 60 (1 hour) =
162.68 (per hour)
THIS MEANS MY $250 GIG FOR 30 MINS WAS ACTUALLY:
Gas (this is where is gets tricky number wise):
My Car Miles Per Gallon 17 City – 24 Highway
According to Google maps York is 25.6 km from my house (1 way)
25.6km / 1.6 = 16 miles ( my car is good for 17 Miles city so we are pretty much using 1 Gallon)
3.78/litres in a Gallon
3.78 X 1.35/L (gas) =$5.10 / one way
250-10.20= 239.80 (Thats still $2.60 Per min with 92 mins total time)
Free street parking. $0
Google maps: From my house 1 way is 73 mins (X2) – 146 mins Return home.
146 mins (travel time) + 30 mins (show time) = 176 mins (total time)
250 (show budget) / 176 (total time) = $1.42/min X 60 (1 hour) =
$85.22 (per hour)
THIS MEANS MY $250 GIG FOR 30 MINS WAS ACTUALLY:
Bus fare is $3 each way $6 Return.
$250-6= $244 ( that’s $1.38 per minute with 176 mins total travel time)
Driving after gas and everything you are making: $2.60/ min – $156/hr $78/30min
Bus after bus fare and all you are making: $1.38/ – $82.80/hr $41.40/30 mins
I am not sure how confusing all of this is, like I said it popped in my head and started thinking of it, but the numbers (if they are right) don’t lie, driving is better with gas and everything by almost double. There are always other factor’s that can go for each side. Bus you can drink, downside you can spend your pay cheque in the bar. Bus you can write a whole new act on the crazy people that are out there.
In the end I think it’s best to do what everyone does already and just be friend someone who has a car and offer them $5 for gas, but if you believe that time is money, get a car.
Everyone is making lists on line so I figured I will make one also:
1. I don’t know how to blog.
2. I never read over my work.
3. I am not one for lists.
4. This was going to be 10 reasons but I lost interest after 3.
I wrote a article about it but it was weird so I deleted it…
Anyways I have fallen back into my ways of not “blogging” or whatever so maybe one day I will re-write the Hipsters thing, until than I just want to let you all know that I have been working with Garrett Jamieson and we have started a new thing called “Acting out Tweets” where we take Tweets and film screen plays form them, they are weird so check them out.
Check out Acting out Tweets
Also June 4th I will be doing a USB Taping with a bunch of Toronto comics it will be a good time so if your free on a Tuesday night come check it out
I had this idea I wanted to talk about but I can not remember what it was so I will just let you know that things have been happening and here is a little update:
New Podcast Which is released every Friday thanks to “Pod Almighty”- The Spam Show
New Web series in the making “Garrett and Mark’s THe Project”
There is a bunch of news on shows which will be updated as the dates get closer,
If I remember what the idea was I will blog and keep you posted. Thanks for reading and see you at some shows or something…
**THIS WHOLE MESSAGE WAS WRITTEN BY MY LEFT HAND** Not to brag or anything but I am a ambidextrous(3 tries) typer. But thats not why I do this, I do this so I can let people know what is going on so my small talk can be cut down. Cause if you think of it all a “Blog” is, is just small talk, no one is changing the world on Word Press. So I will begin the conversation here and when people are like “hey what do you have going on?” I will be like “check the blog”– But after reading this questions should be like “hey how was that show you did” or “good luck there, Mark”… So in short blogs are the small talk of the internet, or actually the internet is the small talk of the world…
So this is whats going on, I am currently on a 9 college tour with Comedy Records, that has been amazing so far we are in the East Coast and have done 2 shows already. Venues are crazy and audiences are good. Next week we will be in New Bruinwick and finish off in PEI. Also I entered the World Series of Comedy and got in, so Sept.16th I will be flying from Moncton to Vegas to hopefully get passed a couple rounds, the grand prize is 52 weeks of club work in the States which should be pretty good. I will be staying in a room with Eric Andrews so it should be good either way.
We have officially launched the club and I could not say thanks enough, the first show was sold out, and the second week was not but the audience’s were there and it was a awesome crowd, we are in our 3 week this week and its our first 4 show weekend, and happy to say we have Rob Mailloux headlining and Mike Rita MCing. We have launched the process we will be doing for comics to get stage time who are not booked on the show, so lets say Ossington will have a couple comics walking about with flyers… The thing that I personally can’t wait for is Sept. 21-22 because that is the day we film the first episodes of The NEW STAND UP COMEDY SHOW that will be filmed for national tv which will have 18 episodes featuring 54 comics and will be filming till about January, the shows will be free for the tapings!!! More info to come soon Twitter: @lotcomedy
So last year I was in a movie “Picture Day” and I was pumped to hear that it got in this years TIFF and not only that but the movie has been blowing up and is featured in the top 12 must see of Tiff. I myself have never even been to TIFF so I think that a good first appearance would be in a movie there.
Twitter: @itspictureday Here is the Trailer http://picturedaythemovie.snitchpictures.com/ ———-
Well thanks for reading and hopefully see you at some shows, or something, and remember this whole thing was written left handed, no big deal. Love, Mark
Hey everyone so its August and that means a lot of stuff, summer is ending cottages are packed and a made up long weekend.
In all this mess there is a lot going on in the comedy world this month, at least with me.
I have a couple things that I am starting, apart of and continuing.
Aug 14th I am in the 3rd annual Pilot week, that is held at Comedy Bar its a free show and will be at 930pm. The pilot that got picked is “The Porn Therapist” which is about a student who just graduates from med school and can’t get a job in his field due to a “shady” past, his only hope is to start a business with his free-lance porn writing room mate…
Also I am happy to take part in Funny Man Presents; Which is a show with a crazy line up that will make for an awesome show which will be Aug 17th..
The 25th of August will be the Grand opening of “Stand up @thelot which I will be co-running with Garrett Jamieson our opining night is going to be crazy we have Ryan Belleville headlining Jeff Leeson hosting and party that is going to be insane!!! Follow us on Twitter @lotcomedy
Come out to this Aug 25th 10pm $12/ticket or 2 for $20!!!
Lastly is a monthly show that has been going on now for almost a year and its just been getting crazier and crazier so make sure you come to the Twitter Gong Show Aug.28th and you will see stuff you have never even thought of, I promise that much… Follow us ono Twitter @livegongshow
That is all for now and I will think of a blog to blog about until than, please like share and spread the word. Its going to be a crazy month
Hey everyone instead of posting all the show’s I am doing this weekend I am just going to post them here, so hope every fully you see like share and come to the show.
Tonight I am Hosting Vest Of Friends at Comedy Bar 10pm
Friday I am headlining Top Shelf Comedy on the Beaches
Saturday Headlining “Kris Bonaparte’s Italian’s Do it Better Show”
Sunday Jeff Leeson and Friends
Click on links for more details..
Hey everyone so he is going to be the business end of my blog where I tell you whats going on in my world with out making my self look like a fool, so I just wanted to let you know that I have a bunch of shows happening this month, and will somehow end up in Winnipeg!!! I know. Just want to say that the ‘BadFella’s” shows have been going awesome and we finally have a new poster to show off, in this one I don’t look like a vampire, or the Phantom of the Opera
There it is, pretty cool. Anyways check out my upcoming show’s and hopefully see you soon, I will have a new posting this month about my 1 day trip to New York where let me just say one day is not enough…
Also here is the link to the “BadFella’s” Promo video (not finished)
Hey people so the NXNE fest was awesome shows were packed and we got some good footage. The Gong show went over well for the most part, it took people a while to understand what was going on but when they did it was good. Anyways this week there is a lot going on and Facebook will get annoying so I am just going to post here and if you happen to read and re post that will be amazing.
So this Wednesday is The weekly show I do at La Revolucion 10pm $2 Taco’s -Line up TBA
Thursday is the Start of a new Monthly show I will be doing in Scarborough at the Loaded Dog, this show will be a special event its the first BADFELLA’S of Comedy show we are doing in Ontario, 5 shows in Ottawa and Montreal that had sell out’s and now Scarborough. That will be 7pm at the Loaded Dog Warden and Lawrence
Friday is the BADFELLA’S in Toronto at the Comedy Bar 8pm $10
Saturday is BADFELLA’S London Ontario 10pm $10 Big League Comedy
Sunday is the grand opening of the New WEEKLY SHOW I am doing at the Monarch Tavern. Line UP TBA show time 9pm
Thanks for reading and hopefully see you around.