After the recent un-success of my last album “Mind Pockets” I have decided to take it to the next level and sell merch related to an album that no one really cared about. I’m talking pockets, straight up breast pockets. I have sold a good amount of them after shows and will continue to keep selling them, they are home made (my grandmother who insists on making them and will not lett me help) and can attach however you please I am thinking magnets though. They can be bought at shows for a price which is decided by you. I know you will enjoy them cause who can’t use a little extra pocket space.
I have been on the road now for a couple weeks and have done some awesome shows, met some awesome people and eaten some good food.
Here is a quick story about last night in Grande Prairie. I’m trying to sell my album on tour which is not going well. I hate selling my own stuff. After the show I sold zero, and walked around the casino that the show is in. Met a guy in the crowd we started talking and he gave me $20 to gamble for my album. I let it ride and lost it all.
Twenty minutes later a cowboy named “Chance” came to the table who is a local legend for saving 4 horses that got lose during a rodeo. Anyways he sits down and introduces himself to me, only if I know what would happen in 5 minutes. Five minutes later he drops his wallet and I’m like “hey man you dropped your wallet” he picks it up and is like “No good deep goes unrewarded” and he gives me $25. I let it ride and lost it all.
That is my story. it’s sad I know.
But every now and again I have a dream about some sort of invention and this is one I had a couple weeks ago. It is the IPHONE RAZOR pretty much is what it sounds like, you plus it in to your phone and it uses the vibrate on the phone to turn the razor on.
Anyways there will be more updates and dreams soon… Hope you enjoy.
I have realized there is a chain reaction to making eye contact with someone who is talking to a crazy person. You should avoid it at all times.
Next you will make eye contact with stranger and make this face.
It’s the I don’t know face…
Crazy person now get’s off and stranger will tell you everything crazy person just told him/her (which by the way you also heard from the crazy person), and how they didn’t know how to end it. Remember this because you MADE EYE CONTACT! and now are bus friends…apparently.
Hope this will help you on the bus, and remember keep your eye’s on the floor and there will be no unwanted conversation.
I was in a fast food establishment recently and noticed they had a sign that said “Sit time 20 minutes”.
That means I have 20 minutes to eat my food and leave, so I was thinking I paid around $8 which is an average price at a fast food place.
$8 bought 20 minutes sit time. So if you are ever curious about how long you can sit for while eating here is a chart I made for how much you money you need to spend to stay in a place for a reasonable time…
This sucks cause i’m a 60+ minute guy, with a $7 budget.
9 reasons why Santa Claus would stink if he was real:
1. He’s Fat.
2. He works with reindeers.
3. All of his employees are short so no one can really get a good smell of what’s going on.
4. He lives in the North Pole, and because of the constant cold, he never really sweats so probably does not own deodorant.
5. He has a beard.
6. He goes up and down chimneys all night.
7. He eats nothing but milk and cookies.
8. He wears the same clothes… All the time.
9. He smokes a pipe.
So next year, tell your kids instead of leaving milk and cookies, they should leave tooth paste and deodorant.
Every once in a while someone will ask how much a comedian makes for a show and is shocked at the response, they are amazing at how much someone can make for really little to no time in their mind. I too found this pretty cool until I had the pleasure of taking the bus to a gig last night and when I am not just angry for no reason that I am on the bus, I am thinking. So I got to thinking about the gig I was doing and the age old question “Is it better to drive to a gig, or take the bus”.
So I started doing some number crunching and everything I did is from Google Maps and is best case scenario, meaning no traffic, no walking, no looking for parking, no waiting for buses, no bus break downs, no crazy people.
So let’s say I did a show at A University last night and made $250/30mins. At first glance that’s pretty good, $500/hour can’t complain, but there are for sure better gigs that I have been to, but this is the number we are dealing with.
Now the annoying part (according to google maps)
From my house: 31 MINS/ 1 way to gig (X2) – 62/mins there and back
62 mins(driving time) + 30 mins (show time) = 92 mins (total time)
250 (show budget) / 92 mins ( total time) = $2.71/min X 60 (1 hour) =
162.68 (per hour)
THIS MEANS MY $250 GIG FOR 30 MINS WAS ACTUALLY:
Gas (this is where is gets tricky number wise):
My Car Miles Per Gallon 17 City – 24 Highway
According to Google maps York is 25.6 km from my house (1 way)
25.6km / 1.6 = 16 miles ( my car is good for 17 Miles city so we are pretty much using 1 Gallon)
3.78/litres in a Gallon
3.78 X 1.35/L (gas) =$5.10 / one way
250-10.20= 239.80 (Thats still $2.60 Per min with 92 mins total time)
Free street parking. $0
Google maps: From my house 1 way is 73 mins (X2) – 146 mins Return home.
146 mins (travel time) + 30 mins (show time) = 176 mins (total time)
250 (show budget) / 176 (total time) = $1.42/min X 60 (1 hour) =
$85.22 (per hour)
THIS MEANS MY $250 GIG FOR 30 MINS WAS ACTUALLY:
Bus fare is $3 each way $6 Return.
$250-6= $244 ( that’s $1.38 per minute with 176 mins total travel time)
Driving after gas and everything you are making: $2.60/ min – $156/hr $78/30min
Bus after bus fare and all you are making: $1.38/ – $82.80/hr $41.40/30 mins
I am not sure how confusing all of this is, like I said it popped in my head and started thinking of it, but the numbers (if they are right) don’t lie, driving is better with gas and everything by almost double. There are always other factor’s that can go for each side. Bus you can drink, downside you can spend your pay cheque in the bar. Bus you can write a whole new act on the crazy people that are out there.
In the end I think it’s best to do what everyone does already and just be friend someone who has a car and offer them $5 for gas, but if you believe that time is money, get a car.